So Much Shit.......

Been thinking about my homeboy Todd a bunch lately. Can't believe its been almost two years since he passed. I had a super fucked up dream that he was gonna beat me up for being mean to people. It was kinda funny later, but the morning I woke up from that dream I was messed up all day. Truth of the matter is Todd was one of the nicest dudes you could ever meet unless you crossed him. Then it was game over. I am a lot like that. Maybe that is why we got along so well. Extremes always tend to do that. When he drank he was the drunkest mother fucker in all the lands and when he got sober he was the straightest mother fucker ever. No middle ground really with Todd. He had this So.Cal Cholo punk mixed with a Wichita hillbilly drawl. Never heard anyone talk like that in all my life till I met him. HHEEE TAAALKKKEEDDD REEEAALLL SLLLLOOOWWWW. Fucking drove me crazy and of course I miss it now. The same way I talk all crazy fast all the time moving my hands and trying to make gestures where there really is no need for one. He was there at the beginning of the LA scene and somehow made it out to Kansas. Life is weird and I truly feel like I haven't got the slightest grasp on it still. There is Love and hate mixed with longing and forever. Right next to failure and redemption, sometimes it would make more sense to drink myself silly and maybe all this shit would just get pissed out of me. I still have the fear of Todd in me and I can honestly say when I woke up from that dream I was missing him something fierce. Cancer fucking consumed him and by the end there was nothing left of our homeboy, just him breathing in and out. Then he was gone. VLPR TODD K.